Difficult Conversations; How to Discuss What Matters Most
by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen, Viking, 1999.

It’s not a new book, it’s not controversial and the title doesn’t even mention leadership. However, if this book isn’t on your reading list, you’re missing a valuable tool for improving relationships in every domain of your life. The authors have worked with the Harvard Negotiation Project and the work is well grounded in what’s known about human behavior. However a scholarly, theoretical book this is not. It’s eminently practical, containing numerous role-plays and examples that are true-to-life and instructive. I admit to being a total fan of this engaging, easy-to-read guide, and I recommend it to anyone who wants to be a more effective leader – or even a more effective spouse, parent, or friend!

How the Way We Talk Can Change the Way We Work; Seven Languages for Transformation
By Robert Hegan and Lisa Laskow Lahey, Jossey-Bass, 2001

How we speak impacts the way that we think about ourselves and about others and limits our ability to change. The authors have developed some practical techniques to help the reader explore such shifts as moving from complaining to commitment, from assessing blame to taking responsibility. They also explore how a leader can use language to help others in the organization make important shifts. It will require some work, but you can discover ways to transform how you work.

Crucial Conversations; Tools for Talking when the Stakes Are High
by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMilllan and Al Switzer, McGraw Hill, 2002.

Opinions vary, stakes are high and emotions run strong; you’re in a crucial conversation. The authors break down the steps for shifting into dialogue and finding safe ways to talk about risky subjects. You’ll learn how to “hold your own” in ways that also respect others’ needs. The focus is on finding new ways to move into action and get positive results. This is definitely worthwhile reading for leaders at every level.