ILLUMINATIONS Blog

I’ve been thinking this week about how language, tone and non-verbals work - or don’t work - for us.  One leader moves quickly, accomplishes a lot, and asserts her positions directly and clearly; she gets feedback that she leaves people feeling a little bruised.  Another leader involves as many people as he can in making decisions, is careful not to push his agenda on to others, and doesn’t promise more than he knows he can deliver; he’s told that he needs to be much more assertive.  As a leader who wants to be effective, this can seem like a balancing act.  Come on too strong and people feel you’re walking over them; not strong enough and there’s no leadership.  How can I get it just right? 

Dealing this week with coaching situations that showed both ends of the continuum drove me to my bookshelf.  Among other books, I looked anew at Power Talk; Using Language to Build Authority and Influence by Sarah Myers McGinty.  McGinty identifies two ways of communicating.  What she refers to as “language from the center” is direct and authoritative while “language from the edge” is collaborative and responsive.  The important point the author makes is that both are effective; leaders need to be able to use both modes and know when to use each. 

Of course that makes perfect sense.  And it’s not that easy.  We often default to a preferred mode that we feel comfortable with and we can be pretty judgmental about our non-preferred mode.  “I want people to be direct with me and let me know if they have a problem with me.  It’s so patronizing to beat around the bush.”  “Making bold promises is about bluster over substance.  I don’t want to be like that.”  So it seems that the first challenge that we have is to let go of our “stories” and find the “effective” in alternative modes of communication.  Then the challenge becomes to determine which mode might better suit the situation. 

Richard Strozzi Heckler, a gifted somatic teacher, is fond of two questions: “What’s too much?  What’s not enough?”  He posits that it’s not as if you take a stand that works for every situation.  You need to continually get feedback and calibrate your stance.  That approach makes a lot of sense to me in light of this discussion.  What ideas and thoughts does this bring up for you? 

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 22nd, 2008 at 9:24 am and is filed under Leadership. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.